How to get paid what you’re worth from your first day through your big promotion.
Jill was thrilled – she had been offered a promotion. The new role would bring greater accountability and broader responsibilities. So she did her homework, researching what others were being paid for similar roles. When she met with Melissa, who would be her new boss, the conversation came around to salary. Jill named the amount she thought appropriate, but Melissa sat back in her chair, shocked. “Jill, that’s preposterous! That’s more than I earn!” Jill held firm, knowing she was asking for a fair amount. The result – not only did Jill not get the role, but her reputation in the company was tarnished. Melissa told others than Jill was pushy and demanding, and her career was stalled. This unfortunate story illustrates some pitfalls women encounter in salary negotiations. Gender has a strong effect both on how people negotiate their salaries and on how they are perceived. Some highlights:
- Women who work full-time, with no time off for child-bearing, earn about 11 percent less than men with equivalent resumes.
- In a group of graduating students who received job offers, 51 percent of men negotiated for more money, while only 12.5 percent of women did. People who negotiated got 7.4 percent more. Right out of the gate, the men earned an average of about 3 percent more than the women. That initial difference increases over time because raises are often a percentage of what you’re already earning – and because people who negotiate better the first time usually keep winning bigger raises.
- Recent research showed that gender affects how negotiation behavior is perceived. When men were the deciders, they penalized women who negotiated but were neutral about men who asked for more. When women were the deciders, they penalized both women and men who negotiated. Women who asked for more ended up losing, regardless of the gender of the decision-maker. These findings suggest there are two kinds of barriers to women succeeding at salary negotiations – internal barriers that make it hard to ask for more, and external barriers that penalize them when they do. Are we doomed to settle for second-best in the money arena? Or are there ways to overcome barriers and get paid what we’re worth? Here are some time-tested tips for negotiation success.
Overcoming Internal Barriers
Lack of confidence Women sometimes have a hard time selling ourselves because we lack confidence. Ask trusted others to give you feedback on your credentials and your value in the marketplace. Look at yourself as if you were looking at someone else – would you think she is a loser?
Too much humility You know you’re good at what you do, but you don’t want to sound as if you’re bragging. That’s smart – people don’t like braggarts. But in between selling yourself short and being a jerk, there’s talking confidently about your achievements, while also giving credit to others.
Selflessness Women’s negotiation skills shine when we’re negotiating for other people. Take on your cause as if it were someone else’s.
Fear of confrontation This is a big problem for many women. We want people to like us, and as the research shows, they like us less when we stick up for ourselves. Overcome the fear through practice. Role-play negotiating with a partner and dealing with conflict when it arises. Ask for feedback. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll be in the real negotiation.
Over-confiding Women sometimes share too much personal information in the workplace. One of our clients, Anne, had this experience. She confided in her boss that she was feeling overwhelmed and ineffective. A couple of months later, not only did she fail to get a promotion – she was let go in a re-organization. Confiding is for your friends, not your business associates.
Overcoming External Barriers
The mirror effect Most employers, consciously or unconsciously, hire and promote people who remind them of themselves. Overcome this by building connections with your employer before the negotiation. Find our as much as you can about the company and the person interviewing you, then discreetly establish common ground in the interview.
Devaluing of women’s work Most people value what men do more highly than what women do. This is true whether we are men or women, and the bias is often unconscious. Women need to do our homework before we enter a negotiation, demonstrate the value of our past and future contributions, and make an argument for why we deserve to be paid what we’re worth.
Dislike of pushy women A woman who negotiates for herself risks been labeled as pushy and demanding. Skilled female negotiators balance strength and confidence with a receptive, collaborative manner.
And a few last hints
Focus on your value to the company – your skill, experience, education, ability to generate business, et cetera. – not on your previous salary.
Communicate with bravado and optimism. Fake it if you have to.
Ask the right questions. What is Mr. X making? What is the barrier to my getting a raise? What are my next opportunities?
Don’t whine. You won’t win by being pitiful.
When you’re in the decision-making role, guard against your own biases against women. Don’t penalize women negotiating on their own behalf. The story of Jill and Melissa ended happily.
Jill left the company and moved to another job, where she negotiated a good starting salary. She continued to be a strong negotiator, but learned to soften her style and do the groundwork of building rapport with her boss before asking for a promotion or raise. Melissa realized she had been selling herself short, and as she learned to value her own work she became more respectful of the contributions of other women. Jill and Melissa figured it out, and so can you.
